


Coin

by Ironinkpen



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Gen, mariiii my precious unconfident child you're amazing don't let anyone tell you different, more a character study than anything else, not really shippy but kind of implied?? maybe?????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 00:55:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4983652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ironinkpen/pseuds/Ironinkpen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She knows that he would keep her identity secret if he knew it. He’d never willingly tell another living soul."</p>
<p>(Our favorite heroine has a quiet night of introspection after a battle.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coin

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by: http://akas-ladybug.tumblr.com/post/130642661500/fan-theory-timeabout-ladybugs-identity
> 
> and
> 
> Cross-posted on tumblr!

Marinette thinks of the click of the door closing behind her for the rest of the night.

Downstairs, she can hear her parents puttering around, preparing flour and yeast and the like for tomorrow morning’s baking. On her bed, Tikki is sleeping, little chest rising and falling softly, rhythmically. Outside, the moon is shining, high and bright and beautiful in the sky. The world is still turning. Everything is still moving, but Marinette-

He closed the door.

Marinette blows out a breath, fingers twitching on her desk. She’s supposed to be doing homework, but exhaustion has crept into her bones and settled there, too heavy and cumbersome to work around. None of the words in her textbook are stringing together into proper sentences, instead just muddling around in her brain like alphabet soup. She’s been staring at the same page for ten minutes.

_“I won’t tell anyone! I promise!”_

Her fingers twitch again and she raises them to her temple. Kneads the skin there. Tries to calm down.

She’d left the door open. She’d left the door open and it was stupid of her and she hadn’t been paying attention, hadn’t known until he had closed it _for_ her. And he’d closed it for her, when he could have looked. When he _wanted_ to look.

Marinette really, really didn’t want him to look.

She stands up. Trying to read is just giving her a headache and that’s the last thing she needs right now. Quietly, so as to not wake Tikki, she pads over to the double doors of her balcony and unlocks them, pressing them open with gentle palms. The cool air immediately calms her and she chases that little comfort, stepping outside.

Paris at night is breathtaking. A horizon line of buildings of all shapes and sizes stretches out before her, painted in messy strokes by silver moonlight. She’s seen it hundreds of times, but it never quite grows old, whether she’s looking at it from her plain little balcony or the apex of the Eiffel Tower. The way it glitters, the lights flashing and twinkling like little stars in the distance- it’s breathtakingly romantic, and all the more when she’s part of it, dancing on the rooftops, a flash of red in a sea of white, just a speck amongst many. In moments like those, she is one with the city, an errant gear finally clicking into place with the rest of the framework, making everything run more smoothly.

This is her home. This is why she does what she does.

Chat Noir’s face is burned into her memory. The bright, eager green of his eyes. His lopsided, hesitant smile. The way that smile fell when she said, “Let’s just keep it a secret. Even between us.”

Marinette trusts Chat Noir with her life. This is a simple fact. The sky is blue. The grass is green. Marinette will always jump knowing that Chat Noir will be there to catch her, and knows that he trusts that she will do the same.

But, she will never tell him who she is.

And it’s not _about_ the trust. It’s not. Marinette can honestly say that she has more faith in Chat than she has in any other person she knows. It’s strange, but it feels like they’ve known each other for a long time, despite their relatively short acquaintance. Chat Noir is her partner, the other half of this team. She relies on him in a way that she will never rely on someone else. That comes with familiarity. That comes with a strong bond.

She knows that he would keep her identity secret if he knew it. He’d never willingly tell another living soul.

Her fingers curl on the balcony’s railing, knuckles growing white. No, Chat Noir wouldn’t tell anybody. But hewould _know_. He would know that the amazing, fantastic Ladybug he is so infatuated with is Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Plain, clumsy, weak-willed Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

She presses her lips together and squeezes her eyes shut, growing upset. There’s the heart of the issue. Marinette has become incredibly selfish, letting herself fall into the trap of Chat’s flattery. It’s stupid, so stupid, but-

It’s… nice. To be admired. To be looked at like she’s someone beautiful, someone clever, someone _important_.

Marinette is none of those things. She’s just a silly, rabbit-hearted girl who’s too cowardly to talk to her crush. She’s not especially smart and she’s certainly not pretty. She’s slow-tongued, emotional, nervous, and awkward. Nothing at all like the elegant, strong Ladybug.

Logically, she knows that she _is_ Ladybug. That she’s the one transforming, that she’s the one out there fighting, that she’s the one risking her life. But sometimes it’s hard to remember that. Ladybug is adored, loved. Marinette just… isn’t. She’s Marinette. She’s not the type of girl silver-tongued boys try to romance (however unwanted their attentions). She fades into the background. Ladybug, though, doesn’t. She has sure feet and keeps her chin held high. People rely on her.

When Marinette wears that mask, she’s Ladybug. But, when she takes the mask off, everything begins to feel a lot like a game of pretend. Like she’s a little girl trying on her mother’s high heels and acting like she’s a grown up. Like she’s trying to fill shoes that are too big for her, even though the shoes are her own.

He closed the door.

She’s glad he closed the door. Because even though Marinette swears she’s not Ladybug for any fame or recognition, there’s a part of her that relies on the way Chat Noir looks at her in amazement. And she’s scared that if she opens the door next time and lets him in, he’ll take one look at Marinette and that amazement will fade.

And she wouldn’t even blame him for being disappointed with Marinette. Sometimes, when she’s standing in front of the mirror, she’s disappointed with Marinette, too.

“Marinette?”

She jumps at the sound of her name, head swiveling to the source. Floating in the doorway is Tikki, bobbing up and down like a worried little red balloon.

She tries for a smile. It probably falls flat, given the way Tikki is looking at her. “I’m sorry,” she says. “Did I wake you?”

“Oh, no,” Tikki says, floating closer. “I woke up and noticed you weren’t there. Are you okay?”

The words “not really” catch in her throat because no, right now, she is really not okay. But, she swallows them with the knowledge that she will be tomorrow. The sun will come up, the earth will keep turning. Marinette Dupain-Cheng will go to school. Ladybug will sneak out of it to go fight an akuma. And maybe, as sunrises keep coming and going, she will reach a day where she can think of the two girls as one.

“I’m fine,” She replies, her voice stronger, more convincing, this time. “I was just getting some air.” Her fingers unfurl and she steps away from the balcony and back towards her warm room. “It’s late now, though. Let’s go to bed.”

As she ushers Tikki inside, she closes the door behind her. It gives a neat click as it shuts.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it!!


End file.
